The Northern California Fly Fishing Board

Our last little expose regarding this particular subject was extremely beneficial. Several sheeople exhibited the pain associated with coming out of denial, and several wolves in sheeople's clothing revealed themselves to be amidst the flock. It only seems natural that we continue this excellent discussion.

Flourocarbon: The revisionists for fluorocarbon would have you believe that this overpriced, enviro-hazard on a spool, is the "magic bullet" that's gonna help you catch more fish. "It's nearly invisible! Fish can't see it!" They say. "It's got a better density and helps you get deeper faster!" They say. This is of course some of the most self-delusional horsecrap ever imagined. Let’s examine each of these fake points in greater detail:

1 - "Fish can't see flourocarbon!" It is true that this particular enviro-hazard does indeed have a lower refractive index than does mono. To claim that fish can't see it is absurd. Of course fish can see this stuff. Fish have visual acuity that is at least as sharp as humans. I can see this stuff and to assume that fish can't , just because the makers of flouro say they can't is to take an epic leap of blind, and totally misguided faith. Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster are both very real and Elvis and Bruce Lee are both still alive as wel..... Fish are really stupid animals. Apparently flyanglers are even dumber, since sales on this enviro-hazard are through the roof.... If you can pull the respective instinctive triggers, the fish is simply going to disregard everything that may be wrong with the presentation. I suppose we're also to assume that the big, bent, hunk of metal coming out of the butt end of the fly, somehow also becomes less visable when the eye of said fly is tied to flouro? Uh…huh…… my butt..

2 - "It's got a better density and helps you get deeper faster!" The Shepherd has conducted extensive testing, and this crap sinks at about the same rate as mono, when 2-4 bb's are attached which seems to be about the average utilized by most baitfisherman in denial, here in the People's Republic...

Bottomline on Flurocarbon: It sucks, is way too expensive, and WILL NOT help the inept catch more fish!

5- Alaska: The revisionists for Alaska would have you believe that Alaska is the last Bastion of unspoiled wilderness left in United Socialist States of North America. The proverbial “Last Frontier”. Uh..huh. “The fishing in Alaska is like nothing you’ve ever experienced!” They say. “You’ve never been bit like you get bit in Alaska!” They say! “I Love the Land of the Midnight Sun!” They say. What a bunch of noxious, mindnumbingly stupid, total bullcrap!

Let’s examine each one of these bogus claims in greater detail:

A- “The fishing in Alaska is like nothing you’ve ever experienced!”: The Shepherd must admit that this is indeed a true statement, but not in a manner the revisionists would have you believe. Alaska features a myriad of flat, featureless, boring as hell to fish, tundra rivers that host abundant runs of various species of anadramous fish. This results in easy to fish rivers that are literally paved with fish, that even the most inept casters can exploit. What this really leads to is massive fish snagging opportunities for even the most inept lineslappers. 99.8 percent of the fish “hooked” by the “I Love Alaska” crowd are simply snagged in those featureless tundra rivers, where the fish have nary a single rock to hide behind, while on their upstream migration amidst a literal armada of barbed lines in the water. The revisionists like to attempt to deny this fact. “Oh, but I hooked him in the mouth!” They say. “He took it in the mouth because he went after the fly”! They say. This notion reeks of bullcrap! 99 percent of the fish snagged in Alaska are snagged in the mouth simply because fish swim and face upstream into the current, mouthfirst! If those slimy things could figure out a way to swim backwards and hold station in current butt-first, 99 percent of all fish hooked by the “I Love Alaska!” crowd would be dorsal hooked. Of course the delusional, non-casting, revisionistic fruitcakes who visit Alaska would not have an issue giving it to the majority of the fish they hook, in the butt. The real reason most lineslappers love Alaska is it’s the only place on the face of the planet that they’re aware of where the unskilled can hook (I.e. snag) anadramous fish hand over fist! Learn to cast and actually fool fish and you’ll find Alaska is a boring as hell, place to wet a line!

B- “You’ve never been bit like you get bit in Alaska!”: The Shepherd must also allow that this is indeed a true statement as well, but again not in the way the revisionists would lead one to believe. The fact is, virtually every portion of the Alaskan landscape is attempting to eat your butt, while astream on Alaskan watersheds. This ranges from 2000 pound Kodiak bears, to chiggers bigger than the bobbers used by Brucie while he’s “Flyfishing with vertical Jigs”. (Tying a “bruceacator” around your neck literally insures you’ll never drown. ) If the bears and the chiggers don’t get to you, one still has to contend with mosquitos the size of sparrows, and of course, the tiny little “No See ‘ems” that flock to anglers by the quadrillions. There is no argument, that one is going to get bitten harder than ever before while in Alaska………. The fish ain’t doing none of the biting since all of them get snagged…….

C- “I Love the Land of the Midnight Sun!”: It is the contention of the Shepherd that those that love Alaska, do so simply because it’s the only place someone really inept with the rod can actually expect to catch (i.e. snag) anadramous fish hand over fist! Only because of the fact that these inept idiots feel like modern day “Ernest Hemmingways” fishing in Alaska while risking life and limb with the bears, and getting eaten alive by the bugs do they claim to love this primitive, crapty state. Here’s a clue to those sheeople here that are part of the “I Love the Land of the Midnight Sun!” crowd: Visit the proverbial “Land of the Midnight Sun” in February when it reveals what it truly is…“The Land of the Midday Darkness! See how much you love it then. At least then the bears that had you so friggin’ paranoid, that your dumbbutt went and bought a handcannon that you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with (because you’re likely as inept with handguns as you are with flyrods) will all be hibernating and all the bugs will be dead with average daytime highs hovering around -30 degrees……

Bottomline on Alaska: Alaska is the Land of the Midnight Fraud and totally sucks.