****** News Flash*****
The Shepherd is currently offering the Sheeople of this flock a chance to enroll in the Shepherd's Character Building course! For the small, nominal fee of $750 dollars, the Shepherd will travel to the Norcal location of your chosing, on a day and time that is convenient for you. Upon your arrival, the Shepherd will glove up and proceed to kick your ass up one side and down the other! Your asswhipping is guaranteed to include all of the following elements: cuts, abrasions, contusions, severe trama induced facial swelling, blackeyes, a fatlip or two, and significant but not life threatening blood loss! As a special bonus, you asswhipping may include the following: minor to medium severity concussions, a broken nose, bruised orbitals, califlower ear, and other assorted medium severity injuries. The Shepherd similarly guarantees that your asswhipping will NOT result in the following: broken limbs, fractured ribs, skull fractures, severe brain damage, or any other injuries that can be considered life threatening or altering, or that require prolonged medical treatment. However, if at any time during your asswhipping you elect to fight back, no such guarantee shall be given. Your whipping shall conclude with the landing of a flush power shot delivered with full leverage! This 'finishing touch' is likewise guaranteed to knock you into the middle of next week and render you into a perfect state of unconsciousness or your money back! Members of the flock whom the Shepherd is not fond of will qualify for a 50% discount!
"If it doesn't kill you, it serves to make you stronger" -The Shepherd
"The Trinity Dam Project will not result in the diversion of a single, solitary bucket of water."- Clair Engle, Former Senator, Crossdresser, Revisionist
"You should never trust a dude named after a chick!"- The Shepherd, Purveyor of the Truth, Angler extraordinaire, Living Legend
"Blinded by the light, wrapped up like a douche, another revisionist in the night!- Bruce Springsteen
"Tell me about those early rounds. When you were coming out what did you want to establish and prove in those first few rounds?" -Larry Merchant
"Establish who was gonna be the boss. There can only be one boss in here. I am the boss. This is my house. I live here."- Marlon Starling
"When the Shepherd talks, everybody listens!" E. F. Hutton
The Shepherd is also starting a hedge fund where members of the Shepherd's flock will be guaranteed a 25% annual rate of return! For more information about how you can become a member of the Shepherd's select flock, please send an e-mail containing all your account numbers to:
Boatloadsofcash4theshepherd@fleecingofthesheeople.com
"....Yes we can!...."- Osama Obama, President, Eternal optimist and Harbinger of the Imminent Financial Doom!
"....No you can't!...." - The Shepherd, Prince of Economic Prognostication
"The S&P 500 shall come to be known as the S&P 300 by the end of 2009." -The Shepherd
"Citi and Morgan Stanley shall become one and merge into an offspring known as 'City Morgue'."- The Shepherd
"Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheeople's clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves." - The Shepherd
"In the Shepherd we trust, everyone else we monitor." - The Minions of the Truth™
"The darkness of fraud and deception ALWAYS retreats from the LIGHT OF THE TRUTH™!" - The Shepherd
"Everything is better in moderation, particularly moderation." - The Shepherd
"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the fraud and the deception of the evil revisionists. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, that shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness for he is truly his brother's keeper and the savior of blind sheeople" - The Shepherd
"And the Shepherd said:'Let there be light!' and there was light; the darkness retreated and the truth was revealed!" - An enlightened sheeople
"Baaaaaaa!" - A blind sheeople
"I love the smell of napalm in the morning.... smells like... victory." - Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore
"...I wanna announce my presence with authority..." - Nuke Laloosh
"ARRRRrrrrrrrrGGGGGHHHHH!" - Godzilla
"Sing me a song, and you're a singer,do me a wrong and you're a bringer of evil." - Ronnie James Dio
"Receiver of light, the Kingdom of the Shepherd shall guide you and keep you from a restless heart, Deceiver of night, the revisionist that lies within you is the reason for your restless heart...." -Tony Martin
"We are poor little lambs, who have lost our way. Baa! Baa! Baa!" - The Flock
"...Put the hashpipe down...."-Greg "Hashpipe" Miller
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Outfrigginstanding young man! Should you come across a slightly more plausible report, from a slightly more credible source than your buddy (say for instance the National Enquirer should report that Elvis, Bruce Lee, Bigfoot and the Loch Ness Monster were all spotted climbing out of their UFO with a huge harpoon gun, started blasting fish outta the water, and BBQing their "catch" on the gravel bar, when the legendary Kamoss surfaced nearby and decided to punish the aforementioned offenders for their abuse of the resource by swallowing the sasquatch whole, biting half of Bruce's johnson off (effectively making Bruce Lee become Bruce Weewee), chewing Nessie's adipose fin off subjecting her to catch and kill take, but that "Elvis left the Building" prior to his punishment being handed out and that a volunteer lynch mob is needed to administer punishment...) you let the flock know young man! The Shepherd will instantaneously summon the Minions of the truth and we'll go and "Crown the King" until his brains fall out!
