The Northern California Fly Fishing Board

Fraud and deception abound..... The world we live in, is far from perfect. It is a world filled with fraud and deception.... One particular realm of the world that is irrefutably, undisputedly and incontrovertibly plagued with fraud and deception, is of course the sports world. Sports serve as an escape from the daily grind of life for most of society. Naturally, the dreadedly evil revisionists have attempted to weave their web of lies into the generally accepted history of virtually every sport known to mankind. This ranges from the manly and cerebral sports (like boxing and baseball), to the totally sissified, fake sports like: golf, tennis, cycling and ice hockey (hockey is basically a bunch of closeted transvestites figure skating in pads so they won’t get hurt...). The fake sport of flyfishing is no exception and likewise has not been spared from thefraud and deception of revisionist conspiracy theories that have become the accepted gospel of flyfishing. The revisionists have been hard at work in the flyfishing realm. Fortunately, there are a few selfless individuals that seek out to illuminate the revisionist created fraud and deception with the Light of the Truth™, so that the rest of the flock can see clearly the way back to the road to enlightenment. I am of course one of those individuals who shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness. The darkness of fraud and deception ALWAYS retreats from the Light of the Truth™!



In this particular discussion, we will take an unrevised look at the sport of flyfishing, and will begin to dispel the most commonly accepted myths about this fake sport. That being stated, this will likely be a very painful experience for some members of the flock, as the truth is hard to accept when one is in denial. Most of you ARE in denial. For those wishing to come out of the darkness, please read on. For those of you that wish to remain in denial, read no further and go check yourself into one of the more dull and boring threads on this forum.



1- Deaddrift Nymphing (DDNing) : The revisionists for baitfishing with a flyrod, would have you believe that DDNing is a not only a real flyfishing method, but one that requires actual skill and cerebral ability. “It requires the angler to think in three dimensions and is quite cerebral!”: They say. “It takes a ton of skill and superior line control and you must constantly make line adjustments as the current speed and depth vary!” They say. This is of course, an entire metric ton of total bullshit.



Let’s dissect each one of these fake points individually:



A- “It requires the angler to think in three dimensions and is quite cerebral!”: This is without question, a completely ridiculous notion. Uh-huh.... What DDNing really requires is for the angler to carry enough lead shot to sink an average sized battleship and enough goddamned bobbers to float one. There is nothing skillful or cerebral about this. When in doubt the average denialist with a flyrod simply adds more lead, which ultimately contributes to toxic pollution when it ends up on the river bottom. Not to mention that most DDNer’s are really big on that enviro-hazard on a spool: Flourocarbon! Which greatly enhances the magnitude of the ecological impact they leave on the rivers they literally love to death. Next time some baitfisherman(i.e. the DDNing angler) with a flyrod tries to spoonfeed you a bunch of total BS about how cerebral their approach to angling is, ask ‘em what species of ephemera that metallic blue and the metallic red Copper John they’re fishing in tandem are supposed to look like to the fish. Chances are, the delusional idiot that you’re chatting with, won’t have a friggin’ clue what the hell an ephemera is. Here’s a clue: They simply sink like a rock and allow the amateur denialist with a flyrod who can’t cast or control line to get in the zone where the fish are……… It ain’t cerebral, it’s just plain stupid.



B-“It takes a ton of skill and superior line control and you must constantly make line adjustments as the current speed and depth vary!”: More unadulterated horse pucky.... On any stream here in the People’s Republic, you can see a myriad of deftly skilled, “human-gillnets” (who in reality simply can’t cast for shit) practicing “superior line control” and variations in that supposed “control”, as they in tandem, let huge downstreams bellies form in the line on the surface, while bragging about how many fish their superior baitfishing technique is allowing them to catch.... Not to worry if you are one of the myriads of unskilled lineslappers who couldn’t throw 90 feet of line or can’t do something as rudimentary stack mend to 70’ to save your own ass...”Highstick nymphing” is designed specifically for non-casting, baitfishing, neophyte....



Bottomline on Deaddrift Nymphing: You might as well come totally out of denial and trade the Winston/Sage/ Orvis stick (that is clearly beyond your ability to use properly), in for a Zebco push-button, some of those red and white bobbers and a red Hills Brother’s can full o’ nightcrawlers. It’s baitfishin' and totally sucks.



2- Dry-Flyfishing (DFFing): The “If it Don’t Float, You Ain’t Flyfishing” snobs are probably as pleased as pie that we’ve just exposed the revisionistic evils of DDNing. However, their “In the Film Fetish” is just as fraudulent. Let’s take a closer look at some of the revisionist conspiracy theories regarding dry-fly presentation: “It takes real skill to pull big fish to the surface!” They say. “Your presentations must be perfect to be effective and that’s hard to accomplish!” They say. “My entire ass!” I say. This is all total BS.





A- “It takes real skill to pull big fish to the surface!” How ridiculous is this statement? The revisionists would also like us to believe the sky is falling ala Chicken Little…… The real truth about DFFing is that BIG fish will readily come to the surface IF it’s metabolically feasible for them to do so. This is not rocket science here. Fish have brains approximately the size of snow peas and are incredibly stupid animals that are driven totally by instinct. The average DFFer that has deluded him/herself that DFFing requires some kind of special insight is even dumber. When fish are feeding in the film not only do you know WHERE those bastards ARE feeding, but providing your smart enough to not use the “peer into the flybox for the next pattern that ain’t gonna work” method that 99.8% of all dryfly purists seem to use, anyone with half a brain should be able to tell WHAT they’re feeding on. This is simply common sense sheeople... Something most dryfly anglers don’t seem to have in abundance.....





B- . “Your presentations must be perfect to effective and that’s hard to accomplish !”: This ridiculous notion is almost laughable. When you’re tossing a dryline, with a DRYFLY, even classmates of Stevie Friggin’ Wonder at the Braile Institute, can see if one is allowing “drag” to form in the presentation. It should not take a rocket scientist to see that the key here is to present the offering, drag free. Problem is that most lineslappers who can’t cast, are incapable of doing this, and thus think DDFing is difficult. It ain’t. Here’s another hint: Get rid of the Royal Wulff’s and the rest of the “abortions on a hook” that you’re so fond of because they work on the “Stupidfish” River that you seem to be so fond of because it’s the only place, your inept, non-casting ass can actually hook something and learn some basic bug science………



Bottomline on Dryflyfishing: It’s flyfishing but it’s not very difficult and is totally overrated.





3- The Wading Staff ( LWWC (Limp Wristed Waders Crutch)): Revisionistic proponents of the LWWC would have you believe that the Wading Staff (LWWC) is an excellent angling tool that helps them to negotiate difficult subsurface river terrain more effectively. This is yet more conspiracy theory. Let’s cut right to the chase here. LWWC’s are simply a physical manifestation of a lack of confidence in a very simplistic and necessary process of locomotion which is know as “walking”. Albeit in the water. Show me an angler with a staff and I’ll show you a testicle-less, spineless coward who’s affraid of his/her own shadow. The supposedly Legendary Evel Kenivel heads this list. Had Evel not been totally preoccupied with his own personal safety, he would have climbed down to the bottom of that canyon, waded across that piddly little trickle and climbed up the other side like he had a pair, instead of trying to jump over it in some kinda rocketship.



Bottomline on Wading Staffs and Evel: Anyone who owns a staff is a cowardly pussy! Evel might have been a suicidal idiot when it comes to jumping motorcycles, but he was a total and complete coward (like most flyanglers) when it comes to moving water……… They even make those folding LWWC’s that fold up so that they take up less space in you vest, leaving any loser that owns a staff more storage space for that big box of maxipads they also think they need while astream.

The Shepherd.....