The Northern California Fly Fishing Board

Fraud and deception abound..... The world we live in, is far from perfect. It is a world filled with fraud and deception.... One particular realm of the world that is irrefutably, undisputedly and incontrovertibly plagued with fraud and deception, is of course the sports world. Sports serve as an escape from the daily grind of life for most of society. Naturally, the dreadedly evil revisionists have attempted to weave their web of lies into the generally accepted history of virtually every sport known to mankind. This ranges from the manly and cerebral sports (like boxing and baseball), to the totally sissified, fake sports like: golf, tennis, cycling and ice hockey (hockey is basically a bunch of closeted transvestites figure skating in pads so they won’t get hurt...). The fake sport of flyfishing is no exception and likewise has not been spared from thefraud and deception of revisionist conspiracy theories that have become the accepted gospel of flyfishing. The revisionists have been hard at work in the flyfishing realm. Fortunately, there are a few selfless individuals that seek out to illuminate the revisionist created fraud and deception with the Light of the Truth™, so that the rest of the flock can see clearly the way back to the road to enlightenment. I am of course one of those individuals who shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness. The darkness of fraud and deception ALWAYS retreats from the Light of the Truth™!



In this particular discussion, we will take an unrevised look at the sport of flyfishing, and will begin to dispel the most commonly accepted myths about this fake sport. That being stated, this will likely be a very painful experience for some members of the flock, as the truth is hard to accept when one is in denial. Most of you ARE in denial. For those wishing to come out of the darkness, please read on. For those of you that wish to remain in denial, read no further and go check yourself into one of the more dull and boring threads on this forum.



1- Deaddrift Nymphing (DDNing) : The revisionists for baitfishing with a flyrod, would have you believe that DDNing is a not only a real flyfishing method, but one that requires actual skill and cerebral ability. “It requires the angler to think in three dimensions and is quite cerebral!”: They say. “It takes a ton of skill and superior line control and you must constantly make line adjustments as the current speed and depth vary!” They say. This is of course, an entire metric ton of total bullshit.



Let’s dissect each one of these fake points individually:



A- “It requires the angler to think in three dimensions and is quite cerebral!”: This is without question, a completely ridiculous notion. Uh-huh.... What DDNing really requires is for the angler to carry enough lead shot to sink an average sized battleship and enough goddamned bobbers to float one. There is nothing skillful or cerebral about this. When in doubt the average denialist with a flyrod simply adds more lead, which ultimately contributes to toxic pollution when it ends up on the river bottom. Not to mention that most DDNer’s are really big on that enviro-hazard on a spool: Flourocarbon! Which greatly enhances the magnitude of the ecological impact they leave on the rivers they literally love to death. Next time some baitfisherman(i.e. the DDNing angler) with a flyrod tries to spoonfeed you a bunch of total BS about how cerebral their approach to angling is, ask ‘em what species of ephemera that metallic blue and the metallic red Copper John they’re fishing in tandem are supposed to look like to the fish. Chances are, the delusional idiot that you’re chatting with, won’t have a friggin’ clue what the hell an ephemera is. Here’s a clue: They simply sink like a rock and allow the amateur denialist with a flyrod who can’t cast or control line to get in the zone where the fish are……… It ain’t cerebral, it’s just plain stupid.



B-“It takes a ton of skill and superior line control and you must constantly make line adjustments as the current speed and depth vary!”: More unadulterated horse pucky.... On any stream here in the People’s Republic, you can see a myriad of deftly skilled, “human-gillnets” (who in reality simply can’t cast for shit) practicing “superior line control” and variations in that supposed “control”, as they in tandem, let huge downstreams bellies form in the line on the surface, while bragging about how many fish their superior baitfishing technique is allowing them to catch.... Not to worry if you are one of the myriads of unskilled lineslappers who couldn’t throw 90 feet of line or can’t do something as rudimentary stack mend to 70’ to save your own ass...”Highstick nymphing” is designed specifically for non-casting, baitfishing, neophyte....



Bottomline on Deaddrift Nymphing: You might as well come totally out of denial and trade the Winston/Sage/ Orvis stick (that is clearly beyond your ability to use properly), in for a Zebco push-button, some of those red and white bobbers and a red Hills Brother’s can full o’ nightcrawlers. It’s baitfishin' and totally sucks.



2- Dry-Flyfishing (DFFing): The “If it Don’t Float, You Ain’t Flyfishing” snobs are probably as pleased as pie that we’ve just exposed the revisionistic evils of DDNing. However, their “In the Film Fetish” is just as fraudulent. Let’s take a closer look at some of the revisionist conspiracy theories regarding dry-fly presentation: “It takes real skill to pull big fish to the surface!” They say. “Your presentations must be perfect to be effective and that’s hard to accomplish!” They say. “My entire ass!” I say. This is all total BS.





A- “It takes real skill to pull big fish to the surface!” How ridiculous is this statement? The revisionists would also like us to believe the sky is falling ala Chicken Little…… The real truth about DFFing is that BIG fish will readily come to the surface IF it’s metabolically feasible for them to do so. This is not rocket science here. Fish have brains approximately the size of snow peas and are incredibly stupid animals that are driven totally by instinct. The average DFFer that has deluded him/herself that DFFing requires some kind of special insight is even dumber. When fish are feeding in the film not only do you know WHERE those bastards ARE feeding, but providing your smart enough to not use the “peer into the flybox for the next pattern that ain’t gonna work” method that 99.8% of all dryfly purists seem to use, anyone with half a brain should be able to tell WHAT they’re feeding on. This is simply common sense sheeople... Something most dryfly anglers don’t seem to have in abundance.....





B- . “Your presentations must be perfect to effective and that’s hard to accomplish !”: This ridiculous notion is almost laughable. When you’re tossing a dryline, with a DRYFLY, even classmates of Stevie Friggin’ Wonder at the Braile Institute, can see if one is allowing “drag” to form in the presentation. It should not take a rocket scientist to see that the key here is to present the offering, drag free. Problem is that most lineslappers who can’t cast, are incapable of doing this, and thus think DDFing is difficult. It ain’t. Here’s another hint: Get rid of the Royal Wulff’s and the rest of the “abortions on a hook” that you’re so fond of because they work on the “Stupidfish” River that you seem to be so fond of because it’s the only place, your inept, non-casting ass can actually hook something and learn some basic bug science………



Bottomline on Dryflyfishing: It’s flyfishing but it’s not very difficult and is totally overrated.





3- The Wading Staff ( LWWC (Limp Wristed Waders Crutch)): Revisionistic proponents of the LWWC would have you believe that the Wading Staff (LWWC) is an excellent angling tool that helps them to negotiate difficult subsurface river terrain more effectively. This is yet more conspiracy theory. Let’s cut right to the chase here. LWWC’s are simply a physical manifestation of a lack of confidence in a very simplistic and necessary process of locomotion which is know as “walking”. Albeit in the water. Show me an angler with a staff and I’ll show you a testicle-less, spineless coward who’s affraid of his/her own shadow. The supposedly Legendary Evel Kenivel heads this list. Had Evel not been totally preoccupied with his own personal safety, he would have climbed down to the bottom of that canyon, waded across that piddly little trickle and climbed up the other side like he had a pair, instead of trying to jump over it in some kinda rocketship.



Bottomline on Wading Staffs and Evel: Anyone who owns a staff is a cowardly pussy! Evel might have been a suicidal idiot when it comes to jumping motorcycles, but he was a total and complete coward (like most flyanglers) when it comes to moving water……… They even make those folding LWWC’s that fold up so that they take up less space in you vest, leaving any loser that owns a staff more storage space for that big box of maxipads they also think they need while astream.

The Shepherd.....

Oh you poor, misguided, sad-excuse-for-a-commentator. Keeper of the light? Sorry, you're in the DARK!

You've evidentally never played hockey. It's SO much more physically demanding than baseball AND there's always the possiblility of a little pugilistic action. Were you to start skating, you'd certainly lose a few inches from your pudgy midsection!

Hmmm, which horseshit to address first? Let's go to the easiest, The Wading Staff.

I use a folding wading staff? Why? Because I don't enjoy swimming in cold water when I could be fishing.

I will agree that many unstable individuals (no, not your type, the kind that lack the ability to leap tall buildings at a single bound )rely heavily on their staffs, but so what? I only use mine in really hairy situations, like suicide wades. My staff probably saved my life and definitely kept me dry on a recent wade on the Kenai where the water was much higher and faster than I'd thought.

As to fly fishing not being a sport, you've obviously not caught so many large fish throughout the day that your arms felt like jello. Have you ever cast a 10 wt. all day long? No, I bet you're a 6 wt. man.

DDing requires no skill? Then, how come I'm better at it than when I started a few years back? Granted, I ain't a very good caster and I rely on DDing to land most of my fish on SOME waters. So? I'm still absolutely passionate about, uh, using my fly rod in ways in which thou dost not approve. Get a life!

But the main point is, who cares if FFing or golf is a sport? (Of course, golf is not!)

I like the expression that fly fishing is the most fun thing you can do standing up. Maybe it's NOT a sport, or maybe it CAN BE a sport.

Hey, just get out there and wet a line more. I bet you're going through some kind of withdrawal!

Dear Shepherd,

As always, I find your commentary enlightening and highly entertaining. However, I must take slight issue with one of your points:

"Show me an angler with a staff and I’ll show you a testicle-less, spineless coward who’s affraid of his/her own shadow."

By definition, females are testicle-less, so that can not be a true indication of a staff-user for more than half the population at large (admittedly, the angling population does not reflect the population at large).

If you had ever waded with a real box of maxipads, you would know how really dangerous it is, how much courage it takes and how little having testicles has to do with it. If those suckers get wet, you go down like rock (if you don't soak up the entire river, which is conceivable).

Otherwise, I completely agree with you. I am glad you have shown us the light and I hope there is more to come. It is so easy to fall into revisionist thought when you are surrounded by it.

Dawn

Trump!

I think you mistakenly posted your rant on the wrong website.

Here's the one you were looking for....

http://www.pissandmoan.com

you have brought to my mind.

Well Mr. Sheep herder (or whatever it is you really do with sheep),
I was going to completely ignore your post and let you disappear back under your rock without acknowledging you. Then your mildly amusing little essay progressed to the wading staff. I'll have you know that I have very real physical limitations that make walking on flat, level ground a dangerous adventure; throw moving water and moss-covered bowling balls into the mix and you're damned right I use a wading staff! If I were you I'd be careful which 6'7" former Marines you call "testicle-less, spineless cowards", some of them might take offense.

Stretch

What a terrific read! Funny how the biggest guppy bites first.
FTIR

If you knew me, which of course you don't, you'd see how obvious it was that my reply was tongue-in-cheek. Got nothin' better to do?

...this one take the cake!

In one fell swoop you have managed to offend the following groups and or people, or things:
Historians
Bait Fisherman
Poor Casters
The disabled
Lee Wulf
Eviel Kenievel
Golfers
Women
Stevie Wonder
Gay Americans
Whimp Americans
Stupid Trout
Zebco Company
The State of California
Copper John
Floral Carbon Leaders
Owners of wading staff's
the entire sports world
GM
AND
Every person who ever read this Fly Fishing Board,

Just who the ------ do you think you are?











Skirt?




TD

Oh, Keeper_of_the_Light...

How dare you expose the truth! As you shine the light on the Revisionists and dilettantes who are happy living a lie that fly fishing is a sport that is accomplished by using bobbers, aided by a belief that a fish eating a helpless organism requires a highly developed skill, and that assistance in this sport is accomplished with the use of the latest equipment that can be obtained with an American Express Gold Card, you risk exposing them to truths about, and with which they may not be able to deal without many future years of psychological counseling.

It is not the Revisionists but only those who are truly sneaky and devious who understand that fly fishing is not a sport but that it is instead an exercise in fraud and deception! Those who have achieved enlightenment already equate success in the pursuit of the trout (using an artificial fly) with fraud and deception which is completely dependent on making the presentation of a fake version of an actual source of nourishment (whether or not of the order Ephemeroptera, Plectopera, Trichoptera, Diptera, or Odonata) using tools and techniques of deception intended to literally ambush the prey. Those who are skilled at this fraud and deception understand that the prey is too stupid to realize that there is a hunk of iron hanging out of the ass of what looks like a tasty bug!

Those who are practitioners of this dark art (not sport) tend to hide in shadow and, contrary to the practice of numbskull neophytes, rarely divulge their secrets. You have transgressed against the code of Fraud and Deception by exposing the false beliefs that have heretofore provided satisfaction to those who are so unworthy of trout that they may as well take up golf! Let these golfers maintain their belief that they are being successful with the bobber, heavy shot, and rare circumstance when they stimulate a creature with a pea brain to rise and take an offering from the thousands of similar looking morsels of nutrition stuck in the surface film. They cannot obtain success when knowedge of available food (and artificials) and casting skill are required.

Watching a brightly colored piece of fluff, a balsa-wood sphere, or an inflated rubber balloon drift and drag in the current may some day be an Olympic Sport; how far away from Rhythmic Gymnastics can it be? But is is not substitute for knowedge of Fraud and Deception.

The wading staff that accompanies the fly rod carrying master of fraud and deception (thy rod and staff) is carried for smacking snakes, retrieving flies left by poor casting dilettantes in high branches, and the tripping (in deep water) of associates who resort to fishing with fluff, balsa-wood, or balloons.

You are an agent provocateur who may as well cast down the fly rod and take up a Center Pin Rig.
Paul

Does that make me the second largest guppy?

Dawn